soon...better soon.

ok.. to recap. I fucked up financially and I am suffering for it as well as my sister. She keeps saying it is okay. No big deal. She has fucked up before and had to borrow money from parents and we don't have to borrow shit so we are fine. I know deep down we are fine. We have everything we need. Lights and gas still on. Have a place to live. Phone on, pc connected, cell phones on, food in the kitchen. So what the fuck am I whining about? I was reminded of this today. How dare I read about those Texas children abandoned in Nigeria after all that abuse and feel so bad about the situation I have gotten myself into? Cause I do. That is why and noone else will beat me up about it and my self flaggelation is not working well enough it seems.
Money will be better soon. Am digging myself out.

Today was the one year anniversary of my sister, Linda, dying. I made it through most of the day without crying, but it came of course around 5 pm.

soon.. very soon. I will feel better.