God I love to fuck with people.

[sereneorange]

I don't mean just general cruel things. It has to be funny. I was recalling to someone today about a prank we played on our nephew this year. We were visiting our family in Arkansas, and were staying with our brother ( who happens to frequent joke shops himself)and our 15 year old nephew. He is your typical teenage boy (aside from the genius brain that I unfortunatley didn't inherit) in that he strives to be cool and well liked. He always has these dorky ass friends around and they listen to Insane Clown Posse and think that they are very on the edge and unique. I did play some of the cd I have from Houston based Poor Dumb Bastards and they were more shocking than ICP to BJ. He was especially fond of "My Dad, Two Whores, and a Crack Pipe" ( a personal favorite of mine). He was grounded from his computer and would be ungrounded the week following our departure. While he and my brother were out, my sister and I decided to set him home page on the internet to some heinous granny porn site. It was seriously foul. A wrinkly,used up old woman (easily 78 years old) with floppy dead breasts and a hanging stretched out twat was sexily posed with a vexing "come here and give it to me good, sonny!" gaze was on the site we chose to set his home page to. We were giddy with the mental image of he and his buddies sitting down to download MP3's and ol' used up Mable popping up on his screen. We snickerd at the idea of how he would explain to his friends that he *really* doesn't toss of to old women. My brother apparently had some sort of hissy rage and screwed up the computer before our plan could come to fruition. We decided to tell BJ that granny porn was on there and that he should tell the tech guy so that he didn't think that BJ had put it on there. That was even better to us- idea of a sqeaky voiced 15 year old boy telling a tech guy, "Now...if you happen to find granny porn on my pc, understand that I didn't put it there. See, my aunt's were visiting and they put the granny porn on my pc. I don't like granny porn at all. My aunts put it there..." yeah.....that's the ticket...

I work in a bank's call center and we don't have offices, just a sea of cubicles. I like to think of them as fattening pens. An office mate of mine keeps a candy dish out with little snack candy bars. There are these two big guys that work with us and always snarf up her candy and never replenish it. I love to buy Bernie Bott's Every Flavored Beans by Jelly Belly and I had eaten the yummy ones, tricked my kid into eating one that tasted like ear wax and had a bunch of sardine, horseradish, vomit, black pepper, grass, dirt, and earwax opes left. I added them to her candy dish and told her not to eat them. She later discovered that the cleaning crew had apparently been eating the chocolate at night and wondered if they cared for jelly beans. the next day there were about 10 jelly beans missing. That was the last candy that has ever disappeared overnight. God I love Jelly Belly.