This parenting thing is hard

[sereneorange]

I have been so angry with Connor lately. He keeps making really stupid choices. I am hoping a lot of the issue is his being 14, but this is so close to 18 that is scares the hell out of me that he is making such stupid choices. His impulse control is nil.

He is on such restriction that I feel bad for him. I don't feel bad enough to let up any. Punishments are given for a reason. So often I feel like he doesn't have anything. He doesn't have freedoms and things that will make him happy. He does still have his Martial Arts class twice a week, and I try to let him stay a little past to socialize if he needs to. He does socialize before and after school (lord knows he isn't going to tutorials or Spanish Book club).

Every time I try to stop being angry and have something pleasant with him, he screws up again. This kid is making it hard! Saturday, He and I went to have a nice lunch, just the two of us at Escalante's. Afterwards, he wanted ice cream, so we went to Piccomolo (wow is that stuff delicious! )It was nice to talk and have some non stressful time with him for a change.

Today, he interviewed for a position at the Houston Zoo for the Zoo Crew Teen Volunteer Summer position. He practiced with Karen and I before to prepare him for his first ever interview. He said he cracked a joke and made the interviewer laugh. That is good. He relaxed enough to let his funny personality shine through. He really is witty and funny. He has a 1 in 3 chance of getting a position. I hope he gets it. If not, we will have to find somewhere else for him to volunteer. He isn't sitting at home all Summer, and I am not rewarding his bad choices all year with a fun summer at the YMCA Teen Camp to the tune of $1300.00

I am going to keep trying to find my happy place and watch my tone with Con. While his actions are bringing the anger, a nasty attitude toward him certainly isn't going to help.

Comments

[meowvatar.livejournal.com]

Thoughts and prayers are with you!

It's hard being a parent nowadays.

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

Echoes.

conner is bored maybe?

[blot.livejournal.com]

so I am just sitting here wondering what I would do. I had an idea. Maybe Conner should view himself as a role model or leader, maybe he would CHOOSE to groom himself into a man. maybe you should force him to volunteer helping younger kids with homework ... or organize and teach martial arts in an after school program.
Maybe his school has programs to groom kids into leaders?
I don't know Conner - i am just grasping at straws for ya.

Re: conner is bored maybe?

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

He cannot teach martial arts. He isn't qualified. He fancies himself a leader of sorts with his friends because he is usually older. He emotionally helps his friends, but he doesn't take a lot of his own advice.

I would think the forcing him to help a kid with their homework would be good, but he doesn't do all of his own work, so I am not offering the few hours he has to help someone else with theirs. He is poo-pooing other volunteer ideas like reading to the elderly in nursing homes, and working with kids (which he would be at the zoo anyway) but if the zoo thing doesn't work out, he will damn well do whatever volunteering I match him up with or things are going to get ugly. He doesn't get to fuck off all year, then be selfish.

[smalltownhero.livejournal.com]

I hope he gets it! You should check the hospitals.. they usually have good volunteer programs

[juciest.livejournal.com]

I will reiterate once again that you are a GREAT mom. I really do think his acting out is more due to his age than anything else, and he's learning (albeit slowly) that his actions have consequences and privaleges are not rights. Wah, I've been a mother for 24 years and I still can't get it right all the time. This morning I was the bitchiest mother in town...and I try sooooooooo hard to be a GOOD mom who disciplines with love, not the screaming yelling mom I grew up with.

Good luck to Con on getting the zoo job! I wish my kids had opportunities like that! I think he'd do a great job.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

I caught him reclining on the couch this morning with only a few of the things done he needs to do with the coffee table pulled up against the couch. (does it all the time) He is already grounded from the recliner in the study. So his day started out with me bitching and telling him that if he "moved the fucking furniture again, he was grounded to his bedroom with no door, and he could eat over the sink"

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

That is a good idea. Thank you.

[rubygloomrox.livejournal.com]

I try to go to my happy place a lot.

The door thing works.

[here-2-read.livejournal.com]

My sister and I fought several times about coming into each other's rooms without knocking. Dad got fed up, went to the garage, got a hammer and a screwdriver, came inside and took the doors off of BOTH of our bedrooms. He left them off for a month. Said if he had to do it again he'd make the doors into workbenches.