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sereneorangeOk.. aside from the recent financial fuck up and such, I never have any drama in my life. I choose that way. I dislike drama. But this shit right here is funny:
At my job, like most jobs, people talk smack and joke around. We are playing with each other. If someone dislikes another person, they just avoid them, they don't talk smack. It is a bank.
So there is this freakishly short woman there about my age. Always has her lip curled up about something and for as long as I can recall while working at the bank, there has been some slight smack talking. Sure she is ghetto, but we have other ghetto-ish people there and they are lovely, they happy smack talk. Not angry smack talk.
I am going to the elevator one day last week and there are other co-workers with us, including a manager. I am texting on my phone and she is standing there barking about something. Just bitching away. I glance over at her and say ( in a playing voice) , "Why you always so grumpy?" She curls her lip all the way up to her nose and shoots back,"'Cause I am standing here next to yo' sawrry ass." I snicker. I look up. Her co-worker, has this real uncomfortable look on his face, like he is kind of afraid. I look at the manager. He is rolling his eyes in disgust. Then it hits me. I am joking.. she is not. Holy crap. This whole time, she has been serious. I start to laugh some. I tried to stiffle it. I didn't try hard or anything. Fuck her. The manager and I are headed outside,and I fall out laughing. I told him, "I didn't know she was serious. Holy shit that is funny. Sad. Who lives like that. Oh my god!" He goes on to tell me managers have made numerous complaints about her, she is gutter trash, and she is nuts. It is not this manager's style to talk about employees that way. He said, "I cannot figure out how in the world she got past the interview." People have heard her talking about going to jail for the weekend. In the breakroom, she talks really loud like she is playing dominoes in the hood.
So that brings us to yesterday!
I am headed to the elevator, and Stumpy-the-Speed-Bump makes a run for the elevator lobby (she has been doing that everyday so that she can get on and leave me). But, I have regular length legs (if not longer than usual) so I made it there before she could. When I get there, the elevator opens and is a little more than half full. She and her co-worker get on and she holds out her arms and says, "There is no room for you on here." I step on to the elevator in front of her and turn and show her the ass. I am texting on my phone still. Kind of snickering. Another girl is coming so the Hobgoblin's friend pushes the door open button to hold it for her.
Then it happens
I feel two hands on my back. Not hard, light. And there is a slight push. Not even enough to move me.
The little hobgoblin has actually pushed me. Holy shit. My day got so damn good after that.
I went outside and talked to a some friends. One is a pretty little short skinny mexican guy that apparently Hobgoblin is after. She saw a picture of his Black fiance on his desk and has been after him ever since. But...his fiance is beautiful and has given him two beautiful children. And the hobgoblin looks like an African American Frodo.
I went back to my desk and told my manager, "I don't want to file a complaint with HR, but I want it noted somewhere that *insert story here*" Alisa was all WTF-ing and told me to write it up and email it to her. Alisa said she was surprised I didn't smack her.
That kinda bothered me. Do I really come across like I would hit someone anywhere, let alone at work?
Nah. I am much more clever than that.
I want her job. Next time she touches or threatens me ( and I will make sure she will) She will be looking for a job that will hire her with a jail record. I am gonna fall down and cry and call the police. Then, as they are carrying her away.. I am gonna pee myself I am giggling so hard.
That will hurt much more than any thing I can do to her physically. Not to mention, the sight of my big 5'10 1/2 in self falling down and crying from a tap from her 5'1" ass.. that is funny.
At my job, like most jobs, people talk smack and joke around. We are playing with each other. If someone dislikes another person, they just avoid them, they don't talk smack. It is a bank.
So there is this freakishly short woman there about my age. Always has her lip curled up about something and for as long as I can recall while working at the bank, there has been some slight smack talking. Sure she is ghetto, but we have other ghetto-ish people there and they are lovely, they happy smack talk. Not angry smack talk.
I am going to the elevator one day last week and there are other co-workers with us, including a manager. I am texting on my phone and she is standing there barking about something. Just bitching away. I glance over at her and say ( in a playing voice) , "Why you always so grumpy?" She curls her lip all the way up to her nose and shoots back,"'Cause I am standing here next to yo' sawrry ass." I snicker. I look up. Her co-worker, has this real uncomfortable look on his face, like he is kind of afraid. I look at the manager. He is rolling his eyes in disgust. Then it hits me. I am joking.. she is not. Holy crap. This whole time, she has been serious. I start to laugh some. I tried to stiffle it. I didn't try hard or anything. Fuck her. The manager and I are headed outside,and I fall out laughing. I told him, "I didn't know she was serious. Holy shit that is funny. Sad. Who lives like that. Oh my god!" He goes on to tell me managers have made numerous complaints about her, she is gutter trash, and she is nuts. It is not this manager's style to talk about employees that way. He said, "I cannot figure out how in the world she got past the interview." People have heard her talking about going to jail for the weekend. In the breakroom, she talks really loud like she is playing dominoes in the hood.
So that brings us to yesterday!
I am headed to the elevator, and Stumpy-the-Speed-Bump makes a run for the elevator lobby (she has been doing that everyday so that she can get on and leave me). But, I have regular length legs (if not longer than usual) so I made it there before she could. When I get there, the elevator opens and is a little more than half full. She and her co-worker get on and she holds out her arms and says, "There is no room for you on here." I step on to the elevator in front of her and turn and show her the ass. I am texting on my phone still. Kind of snickering. Another girl is coming so the Hobgoblin's friend pushes the door open button to hold it for her.
Then it happens
I feel two hands on my back. Not hard, light. And there is a slight push. Not even enough to move me.
The little hobgoblin has actually pushed me. Holy shit. My day got so damn good after that.
I went outside and talked to a some friends. One is a pretty little short skinny mexican guy that apparently Hobgoblin is after. She saw a picture of his Black fiance on his desk and has been after him ever since. But...his fiance is beautiful and has given him two beautiful children. And the hobgoblin looks like an African American Frodo.
I went back to my desk and told my manager, "I don't want to file a complaint with HR, but I want it noted somewhere that *insert story here*" Alisa was all WTF-ing and told me to write it up and email it to her. Alisa said she was surprised I didn't smack her.
That kinda bothered me. Do I really come across like I would hit someone anywhere, let alone at work?
Nah. I am much more clever than that.
I want her job. Next time she touches or threatens me ( and I will make sure she will) She will be looking for a job that will hire her with a jail record. I am gonna fall down and cry and call the police. Then, as they are carrying her away.. I am gonna pee myself I am giggling so hard.
That will hurt much more than any thing I can do to her physically. Not to mention, the sight of my big 5'10 1/2 in self falling down and crying from a tap from her 5'1" ass.. that is funny.