If Santa Wrote Back....

[sereneorange]

Kind of warms the heart!!!

If Santa Wrote Back....


Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a
gud  boy all
yeer. Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
about
I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can
spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl
all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world
for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your
parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa


Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd
like for my
Mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what
you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look,
your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid
mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa

Dear
Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis


Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I
bet you're gay. Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and
cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer
outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face
when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
bottle of
scotch. Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do
the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys? Your
friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in
China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most of my time making
low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
myself silly and
squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
losing money at the
craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

Dear
Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're
awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica


Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever
you do. I'm
skipping your house. Santa

Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE,

PLEASE, could I have one? Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney
begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work
with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa

Dearest
Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our
home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling
yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass
whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in
a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like

all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Comments

[brat-81.livejournal.com]

omgoodness, that was horribly funny!

i can just see dave saying things like that to kids!!

[thewordgirl.livejournal.com]

lol that was tres funny!