Nov. 2nd, 2003

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The Big Five Personality Test
Extroverted|||||||||||||||| 70%
Introverted |||||| 30%
Friendly |||||||||||||| 52%
Aggressive |||||||||||| 48%
Orderly |||||||||||| 42%
Disorderly |||||||||||||| 58%
Relaxed |||||||||||||| 54%
Emotional||||||||||||46%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Practical |||||| 26%
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I have issues with...
sports
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murder
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Yeah MOM!

Nov. 2nd, 2003 10:20 pm
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We have been owing Connor a trip to Astro world for about 2 years... as a matter of fact, we owe him about two trips for the times he has pulled it out of the goodie box. So we decide that we will take him tonight. The weather is nice, it is for Halloween, and it would not be sunny. Karen cannot handle the sun. We invite my mother and she was excited to go with us. We planned to be there at 6 pm. When Con brings me the two for one coupons for Astroworld, I see the hours for the day...and they closed at 6 pm. My mother and I start screaming, "NO!!! Oh no!" I feel so bad, that I waited two years to take him and then get him all ready to go, and screw him again. You know what made it even worse? The kid, dear sweet kid, says, "It is ok. You didn't dissapoint me. I don't mind." Holy shit. That just made me want to cry. Not only did I fuck over a child by promising him Astroworld for two years, and then rip it away 10 min before we are supposed to finally go, but I did that to a sweet and patient child who wants to make sure that I am not sick with guilt. My god I am a bitch. I really feel undeserving of him sometimes. Then there are things like tonight when he is supposed to be upstairs taking the sheets off his bed so we can change then for bedtime. Twenty minutes later, he was sitting down and fucking with a toy and had not done anything I asked. Maybe that was just another way to keep me from being eat up with guilt. What a kid!
Anyway. We ended up taking him to the Aquarium dowtown and he played and rode rides and got balloons. We took him to Jenni's Noodle House in china town for dinner and he got a great dinner and desert. My mother still went with us, and she paid for a great deal of it. So, instead of going to Astroworld and dropping a load of money that I really do not have to spend, I spent a total of $34 dollars. Thanks Mom. Unfortunately, I am sitting at home now, not doing a goddamn thing and it sucks. I need to start dating more.
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My sister has saved every note passed to her in school, card, and letter sent to her. It is quite impressive actually. The good thing I found out while she was organizing all of these into various storage boxes, is that I did send her cards while she was at college in Austin and when she went to Arkansas to live for 6 months, is that I did actually send her letters and cards. Unfortunately, as I read through them, there was proof positive that I am a bitch. I did manage to fit an, "I love you" into all of the correspondence, but it was easy to miss with all the "butt face" and other various, ugly comments. Later tonight, she handed me a small stack of letters and cards that she sent to me. Not an unkind word in any of them. She was so wracked with guilt at leaving me in hellhouse when she left, that she said the sweetest things. My *GOD* I am a bitch. Oh well.

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