At DFW Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. The FBI charged him with carrying weapons of math instruction.
I realize that many of you are too young to know what a slide rule is. Perhaps some interest can be revived in this medieval means of calculations!
“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,” Ashcroft said. “They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘there are 3 sides to every triangle’.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President George W. Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”
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