all that I cannot have.

 this
tv is really cool. If I had a lot of money I know I wouldn't spend
friviously usually. I wouldn't own a car over $30 k unless it was electric
or spend $200 for an outfit, but this tv rocks.

Banking Rant

Dear Customer,

Here are some things I don't need:

• You
  to spell out your name when I ask for it. I don't need you to, and I can
  spell Brown, Smith, and Nguyen very fine, thank you.
• You to spell
  out your impossibly hard name to pronounce when I ask you to say it.
  Spelling the name Tchnikvskysssshye is really not going to help me say it
  correctly, so by the third time I ask you to say it, not
  spell it for me, you spell it again, I am coming through the phone to stab
  you in the throat.
• Your life story. I possibly should care, I
  would be a better person if I did, I am sure. But I don't. What I care
  about is doing my job well, getting through this phone call assisting you
  with everything that is within my scope of responsibility. If your dog got
  a new pair of funny underpants and your grandkid won a nosehair award, put
  it in your Christmas newsletter, because I couldn't give a shit.
  

Here are some things that I do need:

• I need you to
  have half a freaking clue what is going on in your account. If you do not
  write everything down, that is fine. At least keep your reciepts. The
  response of, "I don't know when or how much my deposits are. I get
  direct deposit" is the stupidest thing I have heard. I can at least
  give you a very close number.What kind of moron are you that this is not
  something you think you should know?
• I need you to get off your
  fat butt and get your checkbook or record before you call me, because yes,
  I am going to verify you. No...we are not just going to take your word
  that you are who you say you are.
• I need you to go ahead and sign
  up for the user id and password on the automated system if you are going
  to stay stupid about your spending habits. That way, you can verify
  yourself without knowing a damn thing but those two numbers.
• I
  need you to not call me while you are, driving on a freeway, taking a poo,
  or smoking weed. Dork.

Thank you,

Your friendly
neighborhood Telebanker

attention bored lj'ers

I cannot read your journals while at work, so feel free to email me here by going clickity
click on the link and entertain me.

You know you want to...go
ahead and indulge.