MTF and back again
Mar. 12th, 2005 02:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sereneorangeBear with me, I am working this out in my head as I write this (which was the whole purpose of my journal to begin with).
There is this man that worked at the bank with me,who is a MtF transexual. I would normally refer to a person like this as she/her, but as I worked with him everyday while he was in male clothing and was referred to by his given masculine name, I have not been able to get it set in my brain to think of him as female yet.X (as I will refer to him) has not completed his transformation. He has had breast implants and been taking hormones for years. Best I can guess is that he does the full female dress on the weekends, as I have seen the pics. Unfortunately, X. will not make for an attractive female, and I am dying to do a makeover. There is no reason he should think that dark lip liner and frosted pink lips is the look for him. He is looking like a drag queen (female impersonator) not an actual female.
I had not seen D. for a few weeks till I ran into him walking from the train to work, as I am back in my own building since starting my new job. X has let his eyebrows grow back in, grown a goatee, and stopped the hormones, since I could tell a change in the voice, and his body looks less soft. X makes for a fairly attractive male. His mother died last year and it was very hard for him. He has since become born again (yeah, Christian).
So, he has changed his mind I think about becoming a female after taking hormones for years and having 36DD breast implants put in. I have not asked if he is still gay, mostly because it is none of my business. All I can think is how hard it is to be him. I am guessing this all started because he was born male, but his brain told him he was female. It is hard for me to think that it changed, so I liken it to people that are gay but want so badly to not be that they live straight. So he has decided to remain, and live as, a male. With 36DD breasts. How hard is his life? Lord knows it must have been hard before, but I think now he is going to be pretending to be something his brain is wired to tell him he is not. I feel for him.
There is this man that worked at the bank with me,who is a MtF transexual. I would normally refer to a person like this as she/her, but as I worked with him everyday while he was in male clothing and was referred to by his given masculine name, I have not been able to get it set in my brain to think of him as female yet.X (as I will refer to him) has not completed his transformation. He has had breast implants and been taking hormones for years. Best I can guess is that he does the full female dress on the weekends, as I have seen the pics. Unfortunately, X. will not make for an attractive female, and I am dying to do a makeover. There is no reason he should think that dark lip liner and frosted pink lips is the look for him. He is looking like a drag queen (female impersonator) not an actual female.
I had not seen D. for a few weeks till I ran into him walking from the train to work, as I am back in my own building since starting my new job. X has let his eyebrows grow back in, grown a goatee, and stopped the hormones, since I could tell a change in the voice, and his body looks less soft. X makes for a fairly attractive male. His mother died last year and it was very hard for him. He has since become born again (yeah, Christian).
So, he has changed his mind I think about becoming a female after taking hormones for years and having 36DD breast implants put in. I have not asked if he is still gay, mostly because it is none of my business. All I can think is how hard it is to be him. I am guessing this all started because he was born male, but his brain told him he was female. It is hard for me to think that it changed, so I liken it to people that are gay but want so badly to not be that they live straight. So he has decided to remain, and live as, a male. With 36DD breasts. How hard is his life? Lord knows it must have been hard before, but I think now he is going to be pretending to be something his brain is wired to tell him he is not. I feel for him.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-12 09:22 pm (UTC)Can implants be removed? I've never researched the subject. Maybe he hasn't fully decided. Or maybe he likes being in between. I have issues of my own with gender polarity anyway.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-12 09:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-13 08:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-13 12:19 pm (UTC)Blar, I dunno what to say about these trannies. The better part of the end of this week for me has been arguing with FtM trannies/wanking about the misappropriation of the term "ftm" to those who do not intend to identify as male (but take hormones and get surgery anyway).
All I can do is speak for my own experience. No religious epiphany, no revelation, no...anything...is going to change what I am. If/when I convert to Judaism, I convert as a transmale. If I were to stay with my current convictions whatever they are), I'd still be transmale. No religion can turn me out of what my gender is.
Finally getting the type of T that works better on me reinforces my pride/comfort in my gender. :-*