Stagnant

[sereneorange]

I feel so sticky, mucky, blecht. I want changes. I want excitement. I want thrill and I want a flippy little anxious stomach. The wrenching feeling that I get stepping into my office and discovering a stressful day ahead or from walking in my door at night to a whining 9 year old who hasn't put a dent in his homework by 7 pm is not cutting it. I could get off my ass and look harder for a job. I look. I glance about and about every month and a half, I put in about 13 resumes and applications. I have not found anything that is acceptable yet. That is a screaming testimony to how slim the pickin's are out there considering how badly I want to leave my job. There is a lot I like about my job, but most of the job I loath. This should be incentive enough to get myself back into school, but I think I am afraid of screwing it up again, and now that I am taking the ADHD med's reguarly, I have no excuse for doing poorly. It would just mean that I am an idiot. A smarter woman would have figured out a while ago that she will not win the lottery without buying a ticket.