Jim's response

[sereneorange]

Jim responded to my letter.

Wow!  Thanks for letting me know your concerns, Marilyn.  I do, however, take issue with your use of "constant" since the time I usually raise the issue of Connor's physical development is when we go for a workout, which occurs perhaps 4 or 5 times a year.  I also do not recall any comment about "growing up instead of out" but if I said that, I can see how it might be misinterpreted, and I apologize.  My references to his height and weight at other times are simply expressions of my awe at how rapidly he is growing at such an early age.   
 
My perception is that Connor has a very healthy body image & enjoys testing his growing strength and development via exercise.  He does this primarily via his martial arts class and likes to keep us up to date on his progress through the color of his belts.  I assure you that Honey & I have absolutely NO concern about your parenting in any respect.  You and Karen have done & continue to do a wonderful job with every aspect of Connor's development into a fine young man.  And Honey & I try to reinforce what you are doing whenever we are with Connor.
 
For your information, Honey & I NEVER talk about diets since we simply don't go "on diets."  We talk about healthy eating styles, and Connor sees us living them.  We have occasionally given Connor feedback on how he eats when we're out - mostly simply to slow him down.  We have seen much progress and are pleased that he is taking more time to enjoy his food, and we find it refreshing that we can have a conversation with him during a meal. 
 
Finally, my patting him down was a spur-of-the-moment action, which I will NOT repeat if you wish.  Since he has gained about 20 pounds in the last few months, I wanted to confirm my perception that it was all muscle - which it is.  I am very careful about the weight that he lifts on the machines at 24-hour Fitness, placing emphasis on repetition rather than bulk, but he IS lifting more, which clearly indicates that he is gaining strenth.  But we don't obsess about it & we don't compete - mostly we just have fun working out.  It's a guy thing.
 
Again, Marilyn, I appreciate your openness about your concerns - this is what keeps relationships healthy.
 
Best,
 
Jim


Man, just fuck you.

anyway. I responded with :

The growing out instead of up comment was from Honey, not you. I wouldn't have likely mentioned it this time, except the look on Con's face when you lifted his shirt. I am glad we have this out and we are on the same page. Thank you for your thoughtful response.


I forwarded it  to my mother and my sister. My mother wrote back

He seems like a neat guy.  Connor is very lucky that he has them in his life.

I responded with :

He's a dick.
 
beh..
 
Sorry... lol am in a mood and I don't like him

Comments

[juciest.livejournal.com]

I agree with you that they seem to overstep their boundries with Conner. They are not his parents, YOU are. I'm proud of you for taking this step in reinforcing that.

[daily-rant.livejournal.com]

Well--at least you made your point. What's most important is that they don't repeat the weight thing. I admire your restraint.

[naimhe35.livejournal.com]

I have thought about BB for Egy since his dad lives out of state. Did you get to approve who they paired Con with? Congrats, you handled that issue with authority, respect and grace. *high five*

[juciest.livejournal.com]

I've also thought about it for Zack...have been thinking about it for several years now in fact, but just can't seem to get past the "I'm not sure I can trust someone I don't know with my son" thoughts lingering in my brain. I know it would be good for him...but I worry so much about him as well. I keep thinking my sister's husband will act as a father figure toward Zack, but so far it just hasn't happened. And there's no one else to fill in that role for him either. The losers I date certainly don't fill the bill...lol

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

It was really hard for me to open up to the idea. 1) afraid of moletsters and abusers. 2) Con had a godfather that was basically his best friend. After a divorce, he basically dropped Con and would have nothing to do with him. I think it was hard for him to have any connection with his ex-wife (Con's godmother) but it really broke Con's heart. I do not let people in and out of his life easily. My parents live in the city, but have little contact with Con. They don't dislike him. The love him and are proud of him, but weren't terribly nutering parents and are pretty clueless about how to be grandparents.

We wanted a positive male role model in Cons' life. They were almost like surrogate grandparents as well (they are in their mid to late 50's)

MOST of their contact with him is good and positive and they really love him.

[juciest.livejournal.com]

I'm not even sure we have a BB/BS in my area.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

http://www.bbbshouston.org/locations.cfm

[jenandbronze.livejournal.com]

So that is what BB/BS stands for... My sister did this program for a child a few years ago ...

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

how did she like it?

[jenandbronze.livejournal.com]

She seemed to like it... I was going through my own rough times, so wasn't really into what she was doing in her life.

[rainygirl.livejournal.com]

Any argument that starts off nitpicking symantics (it's not constant, just every time we work out) is usually grasping at straws.

Well, at least he seems willing to cooperate.

[shimmerdance.livejournal.com]

You know... I don't think it matters whether it is objectively good, bad, or indifferent. you're his mother and if you don't like the way someone is being with/toward your kid, that is your call, and only your call.

[valknott.livejournal.com]

Well, I think your point was made and I think they'll back off their behavior. Mission accomplished?

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

mission accomplished. I do feel better about it.

I still can't stand them, but Con loves them and they are aware I dislike this behavoir, so that is enough.

[carlomc.livejournal.com]

Proffesional opnion. Deffintly a twat. Well done for the showing this level of constraint and not just twatting him one.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

it is hard. I can just barely look at him when he comes by

[smalltownhero.livejournal.com]

I still dont like him

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

me either

[antigone-ks.livejournal.com]

. . . yeah, he's just a twat who's pissed that you're calling him on his bullshit and pretending he doesn't know what you're talking about. But w/ev. He's on notice.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

lol