I am missing me

[sereneorange]

I may just be hormonal. I may be moody because I started my medication for ADHD again. But I feel this way everytime I take it after not taking it for a while.
I know I am flawed and need the meds to focus and get things done. I know that Fini finds me difficult to take. I do not feel like the same person on medication for ADHD. I am so calm. I laugh less. I always laugh so much. All day long I laugh. I laugh less now. I watch stand up and am enjoying it, thinking it is funny. There is no laughing. I talk less. That is a big deal. People talk to me and say that they enjoy being around me because I am funny and tell a lot of stories. I riff on things and am quick witted.
Now I am quiet. There is no rapid fire speaking, there is no laughing. I am not upset. I am calm. I am peaceful. I am productive.
What if I am not as likeable? What if I am boring now? I am kind, I am generous, I am thoughtful and creative. These are not reasons people like me and are drawn to me. It is the quick wit and hearty laughing.
I am missing me quite a bit and am scared to be the girl on the meds.

Comments

i was on ADHD meds too

[muthafucknfalco.livejournal.com]

and have one thing to say about it, bordum is, afterall, a form of critizim

that's from "The ADDed Dimension" good book about ADD and ADHD

and i can tell you from experiance that stuff ruined me getting laid so many times

Re: i was on ADHD meds too

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

lol.. I expect it will do the same for me, because it will help my impulse control. I have to tell you if I had better impulse control, I would not have slept withhalf the people I did.

[roshov.livejournal.com]

well crap, if that's true, then maybe i have it too? lol

at least it's not antidepressants, i know people that don't have emotions or very much of them, extra happy = don't belly laugh, extra sad = don't cry, they zombify sorta in the middle existance

[onnotangu.livejournal.com]

i tried it once.
I got mad at myself for not being able to get mad and got mad at myself ro the attempt to show anger in the first place which time twisted into one big loop of anger and noon anger..all of which left me scared and wierded out that drugs can nullify any emotion.

so now I'm back to self control and meditation to control my behaviour.