Loser

[sereneorange]

I just cannot feel like more of a fuck up. Last month I messed up my bank account. Yes. I am an online banker for JP Morgan Chase and Co. and I was overdrawn like a muthafucker. I forgot to add in two ACH drafts that come out and POW! So my sister has had to be making up for it and paying almost everything which means that some of our bills were underpaid or not paid at all. I have been sick for 3 weeks now. Throwing up and crying and feeling like shit.
Our mother asked us to make a shadow box for a friend of hers and bought all the shit at Michaels and Hobby Lobby to do it. We are supposed to have it ready for her Sunday afternoon. Sometime during the week, I had told Connor to take the trash out and asked him to take that bag. Karen and I pulled everything out of the dumpster, with roaches crawling up and we stink, and it is hot and I had my sister with Lupus out there in the sun with me and she is not supposed to be in the sun. It is gone. We have to go get everything again. But I still have no money, so my sister will be paying for it. I called my mom to tell her and was trying to not cry, but I feel so damn bad and like such a fuck up. She assured me it was okay and she can get another AA chip (oh yeah, a gold AA chip was in the bag too) and it is fine. But it isn't. I am fighting off the desire to throw up and my stomach is killing me. Everytime she assures me it is fine in a sweet voice, I feel even worse and start crying like a big fucking sissy.

Comments

[rangerluke.livejournal.com]

I wish I could say something profound and sweet thst would make you feel better but all I got is shit happens and just gotta push on. I lost a Rockwell Plugger and had the FBI on my ass about it and I felt like the biggest dumbass and like I was gonna lose my job. Luckily it was found 2 days later because a person called brought it to the local authorities but man. So thats how I am gonna try to relate to the losing stuff. It just happens and freaking out about it doesn't solve anything. The only reason I got that thing back is cause I calmed down and called all over the place to local sherriffs offices and the like.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

what is a Rockwell plugger?

[rangerluke.livejournal.com]

Its a GPS system that I use for work but it is also used by the military to do things like shoot missiles and what not so its consicered high security. Sorry about that, sometimes I forget to explain myself with eq I use.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

that is cool.

It wouldnt be so bad, but it is like one thing after another. I have gotten back on my medication (Concerta) for ADHD, but jesus, you couldnt tell by the way I am fucking up.

My sister keeps saying it is no big deal, she has fucked up bigger, financially speaking, where myparents had to loan her money. But lately when she has fucked up, it has been during convienient times when I had like a bonus of $1,000 income. We are just fucked.

[rangerluke.livejournal.com]

yeah times get all screwy like that. I live in the school of when it rains it pours hehe. I just wait for the upslope which lately has been since I cut the ex loose. Your upslope will come I am sure.

[rangerluke.livejournal.com]

I am sickeningly upbeat all the time aren't I hehehe

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

needs to come soon. Damn soon.

=0(

[omegaxl.livejournal.com]

*HUG* I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I hope things get better for you!

Re: =0(

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[avocado123.livejournal.com]

I know it's not much help, but really, things just happen. Sometimes they all happen at once and it makes every little thing even worse, but the upside is that you have a nice long time of things going good once the bad spell is over. It'll be ok.