Question about friendship

[sereneorange]

If you had something ebarrassing like , oh say, your house was foreclosed on, would you tell your friends or would you be so embarressed, you would keep it a secret.

I am asking because I found out some one I was close with lost his house while we were still close (or I thought we were) and I was aghast he kept it a secret.

My other friend told me that if that happened to her, she wouldn't tell me either. She said her parents had friends that had it happen to them, and they didn't find out till years later. I tend to let my friends know about the humiliating things, too. If they love me, they will love all of me and support me and not kick me when I am down. My very close friends are like family to me.


So.. would you tell your friends, or keep it a secret?

Comments

[sdx.livejournal.com]

I'm an open book, so I probably would have (might have even blogged about it).
But I can understand how some people would not say something.

[jfargo.livejournal.com]

I'd probably not phrase it as losing my house, except to a select few who are close. I might mention that I have to move, or that I'm changing where I live, etc, but I don't know that I'd say that I lost it.

Though it depends, I suppose, on the circumstances.

[dferguson.livejournal.com]

Keep it to myself. I don't believe in burdening my friends with my problems. They've got enough of their own.

[wakeupkent.livejournal.com]

I'd keep it to myself. I mean, if someone asked, I'd be honest about it, but I wouldn't be like "Oh hi, Mar. Hey, guess what? I'm about to get evicted. Ooh, have you seen Iron Man yet? It was surprisingly good!"

No, I'm not getting evicted.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

saw iron man last weekend with goodnightnowgo and rainygirl at Alamo draft house. LOVED it.

[wakeupkent.livejournal.com]

Indiana Jones on Thursday!

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

I am excited about that movie, too.

In addition to it being an Indiana Jones, I have a serious love thing for Shia

[wakeupkent.livejournal.com]

I'm actually a little mad about his being in the movie, to be perfectly honest. He did a good enough job on Transformers, and I admit he's come a long way from Even Stevens, but if you're gonna have a younger sidekick, why not bring Short Round back? Motherfucking Short Round! Seriously.

Granted, he does not look like a cute little kid anymore, but come on!! Short Round!

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

oh gack. Yeah.. shame we all can't be as cute as we were as children.

You want to know who is impressive? That chick that was in Juno. I didn't see Juno yet (not in a hurry, but it is on the netflix list) but I saw her Saturday night in one she did before "Hard Candy" She was amazing. so subtle and good. I was impressed.

[wakeupkent.livejournal.com]

She was Kitty Pryde in X-men III!

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

wsa she? Never saw that one

[tubesoxrock.livejournal.com]

I love love love Hard Candy.

I was not so big on Juno though.

I like Ellen Page though. I will like her a lot better when she's older though. She's kind of "I'm so smart/indie/mature" in her interviews that its annoying.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

I get that from her. She is that age. Remember how obnoxious Fiona Apple was?

[wakeupkent.livejournal.com]

In all fairness, the guy's almost 37. Regardless, they should have brought him back just so that we'd know what happened to him. I mean, they brought back Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood... why not Short Round? Why the hate for the Asians?

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

well, come on... they are Asian. ..

---

I am kidding.

[wakeupkent.livejournal.com]

Whatever, racist bigot.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

right??!?!

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

I guess I am surprised since this person told me his wife cheated on him. We talked about other things of importance.

[wakeupkent.livejournal.com]

It's a little different. If someone cheated on me (I'll try really hard to imagine what that's like), I'd be more likely to talk about it with people because a) it would allow me to vent, b) I would get the chance to let everyone what a two-timing whore my ex is, and c) all your friends can do is just try to help you take your mind off of it. Foreclosure is a financial matter, which means you somehow put yourself in that situation. I mean, it's not like your house decided to go sleep with your loan officer, right? There's really no venting to be done on the matter... "Fucking bank is taking away my home just because I make my last X payments! Can you believe that?!" The only person that can come out looking bad is you... if finances were tight, you shouldn't have bought X, or done Y, or you should have taken any job rather than hold out for something that paid Z, or you should have taken on a part-time job until you got everything squared away. It's had to bring up financial problems without feeling like you're looking for a handout... I mean, it's one thing to be short $100 one month because of how the paydays landed, but if you're about to lose your home, having your buddy lend you $50 is not going to fix it.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

I can see that. I am still disspointed.

I am dissapointed with this person for a multitude of things though and have been for a while. I was just surprised.

At one point, I asked for his address so I could send him a present, and lied and gave me that address, even though the foreclosure was two months before. Then said, "Oh, I will just come by and get it"

I guess I expected him to trust me more

I'm an opportunist.

[thewordgirl.livejournal.com]

I would tell everyone, so as to get free hot dishes of sympathy and pies/cakes and stuff. I know my friends would feed me good if I were about to be homeless. heh.

[juciest.livejournal.com]

Ummm, no, probably not. What good would it do, besides embarrass you and give them something to humiliate you with later?

BTW...know any place I can get a few thousand buckaroonies before I lose my house AND my car?

Waaaah.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

I would like to think my close friends wouldn't embarrass and humiliate me.


No place legal, no. Any hope for refi while rates are low?

[goodnightnowgo.livejournal.com]

I would definitely tell you, but I always tell you everything. I only have a couple of friends that I share everything with, everyone else is on a need-to-know basis ... and most of the time they don't need to know. Which is why I am a sucky blogger!

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

you ARE a sucky blogger. But I love you anyway, and I get so excited when I DO see an entry you have posted. What are we up to now, seven?

[goodnightnowgo.livejournal.com]

Oh, she has jokes! :p

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

I have hugs, too. Want one?

[blot.livejournal.com]

i would be keeping it to myself

[smalltownhero.livejournal.com]

I would tell my closest friends... prob not just anyone.. but at least the ones I could trust with the info...

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

Depends on my friend and my level of embarrassment.

This sounds like a shame thing to me.

And sometimes even the closest friendships cannot overcome shame.

[mehnaravenstar.livejournal.com]

I'm not reading all these comments, someone might have already said the same thing, so sorry if this is redundant...


No... I wouldn't tell you. I wouldn't even tell my best friend.

It has nothing to do with you not being my friend or anything like that; but financial issues are private. Some people just don't feel comfortable sharing them. And yes, we're friends through thick and thin and all that, but some things, some highly embarassing things, you just keep to yourself.

Like, would you tell me if you were late on a credit card payment?

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

you and I are not terribly close, so I would get that. This person and I used to be very close.

But yeah, I would tell you if I was late on a credit card bill.

I had to make two payments on my student loan last week because I forgot to pay it the month previous.

See? That didn't hurt.

[mehnaravenstar.livejournal.com]

Yea, I know we're not that close, I'm speaking figuratively. And, don't get me wrong in anything I say after this point because I'm not trying to be a smart ass or anything (and sometimes, I admittedly, come off that way).

I guess it's just different strokes for different folks. I'll tell you now just because it's come up in conversation; I'm over $125,000.00 in debt and I'm not anywhere near 30 years old yet. Truthfully, I don't like to talk about it... I really don't even like to think about it. I don't talk to a lot of my close friends about it because I don't like to be reminded about it all the time.

Sometimes, you just can't tell someone whose friendship you value, 'mind your own business,' without coming off as a little bitchy and rude, so you just don't say anything at all.

... it's really just a matter of opinion.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

I can imagine not wanting to talk about it or think about it. I often have to fight not sticking my head in the sand and ignoring things (nasty nasty habit of mine). That must feel so oppressive when you think about it.

if you factor in the mortgage, we are up there.

[omegaxl.livejournal.com]

I'd tell them...my friends would understand.

[psychgurl.livejournal.com]

I found out a good friend's brother's house (also this good friend's house he grew up in) was about to go to auction and was sick to my stomach wondering if I should let him know. I called him and told him what I found (it's public record anyway) and he talked with his brother and apparently there has been this legal issue and misunderstanding but they NEVER knew it was to the point where it was going to auction. So, in the end, because I opened my mouth they got an attorney and are getting everything cleared. I just thought of it as a situation where two months from now if this good friend sadly told me his brother lost his house, I could never look him in the face knowing what I knew and not sharing. Although it is embarrassing and this good friend was/is super embarrased at the thought of his brother losing their family home, it was worth it.

[serene-orange.livejournal.com]

That was great that you said something.

[here-2-read.livejournal.com]

I'd say something. But I tend to do that anyway. I would be totally shocked if someone hid something like that from me.

[alichick2004.livejournal.com]

I would tell those who I trusted. So, yes, I would tell my close friends.